09/14/03

It all started a rainy October night, my mom went in labor, went to St. John's Riverside Hospital, and ploop there I was, 8 lbs 7 oz. 

Ever since I was about 4 I had the hunger for knowledge, I would make my family teach me the alphabet and sentence structure and the other basics of the English language. This eventually led to me skipping Pre-k and Kindergarten, because I was already too advanced. 

The hunger for knowledge grew stronger and stronger, to the point of cramps from starvation. Desperation for knowledge. Trying to outsmart the inevitable. Wanting more, yet not receiving any. School was and always is considered easy to me, it doesn't seem as if it's fulfilling its purpose of bombarding the mind with new and extraordinary things. The abstract thinker...me; conceiving all to conceive and achieving all to achieve. 

As time progressed, I began to learn more and more, but 7th grade I lost all motivation. Nothing would get me back on track, nothing. Nobody was there to help, nor motivate. Everything I had, learned and achieved was because of me. No one else. Nobody wanted to see me succeed. It was up to me to shape my own life. I learned this the hard way and on my own, as 7th grade came to a close and my report card showed the results. New goals were created, and also more new year resolutions. 

8th grade was a major improvement, although I was experiencing another problem at hand. I tried my best to fit in. At the end, I just realized I had to do everything for myself, and trying to fit in didn't matter. People are my worse enemy, either taking advantage of my kindness, or just using me. So, I redrew my map to continue the quest for knowledge, retrace my steps and create new ones for history. 

Now presently, the starvation is killing me. I'm dying trying to find the underlying truth. Trying to reach beyond the core. Wanting to know what makes everything run and why. The pain is hurting endlessly, as my mind tries to figure out what that concept is; why I keep striving to find the source of something I myself am unaware of. Wanting knowledge of something I don't even know. Now it is my duty to keep going, to try to fulfill the massive growth of hunger. Try to fulfill my self affliction. 

  The abstract thinker...I; conceiving all to conceive and achieving all to achieve...Still trying to find something that cannot be found, something that cannot be bound...

Update!

Guess what! I think I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my poor pathetic life. I want to be a Forensic Scientist. I learned to achieve my goals I must work hard and believe in myself, something I really don't believe in doing. I guess with a little work that could change [clarification, "little" is an understatement]. The best is yet to be seen, hopefully :(